Take ownership of your thoughts, words, actions and behaviors. Be responsible for your choices, stop feeling like a victim because you have all the power within you to change your life and make it exactly as you want it to be.

— Paola Lujan: Author of Happiness Your 7 Mind Powers

Lately I’ve been noticing that the main reason for misery in people is that they believe they are “the victims.” That’s just a belief, it is not true. Here I present an excerpt from my book Happiness Your 7 Mind Powers, where I expose some ideas about that issue. I really hope that helps people who are suffering emotional pain.

Let Go of the Victim Within

According to Dr. Joe Vitale,[1] this is the first level of awakening that comes with us since we were born. As infants, we didn’t take responsibility of our actions and we assumed that all that happens to us is somebody else’s fault. As we grow up, we still behave like victims. We tend to blame people around us, the economy, the traffic, the weather, the government, bad luck, and everything under the sun to avoid facing that we are completely responsible for what occurs in our lives.

For example, if I can’t finish a report for my boss, I will justify that with a terrible migraine, an emergency, or whatever comes to my mind to hide my responsibility for not having the report ready. The damage here is that since I don’t take responsibility on it, I won’t do anything to change it the next time. In fact, I will believe that there is nothing I could do to make the report on time.

The victim has an excuse or somebody to blame for every hard situation. Sadly, there are people that will die with a lot of resentment and grief, believing that they were very unfortunate in life. They behave that way, because it is too painful for them to recognize a mistake. Therefore, in their world, they really are the victims, and they suffered very deeply, because of the unfair and miserable life they were given. Their world is a valley of tears that has been controlled and ruled by somebody else, and there is nothing they can do to change it. Most of the time, they draw attention for their diseases, fears, and dramas. Victims are complaining all the time, and their lives become more and more tragic every time they make an inventory of their misadventures. They also take everything very seriously and personally. For them, all is a tragedy.

After I recognized that I was behaving like a victim, I took responsibility for the things I could change, and then I laughed. Laughing about situations makes facts less tragic, so we can relax, breathe, and analyze the challenge and then find the solution.

Once I brought this victim concept to my family, every time we found any of us acting like a victim, we would say, “Do you want me to play the violin for you?” And the person recognizes his/her behavior and replies, “Yes, please.” After that, we all laugh. We don’t make fun of each other with the intention to hurt anybody’s feelings; we just laugh at how dramatically we display the situations. Lately, we have been adding the TNT channel slogan, “We know drama,” and in no time, everybody is laughing and hugging the person that was previously feeling down.

Of course, there are situations where we know it is a painful one, so we respect the other person’s feelings. When the crisis is over, we can talk about that and be supportive with each other. After all, that is what family is about: support and love.

When we are in victim mode, we can’t take control of our lives, we can’t create our own path, nor can we reach our goals. Then, we feel completely powerless. The good news is that we can choose.

We can choose to be the victim, or we can choose to

be the active writer and protagonist of our lives.


[1] Joe Vitale, The Awakening Course, 2010

Excerpt taken from the book Happiness Your 7 Mind Powers, Chapter 10 Power 5: The Power of Focus. Declutter Your Life. Paola Lujan, Diaz Productions LLC. 2015